The view over Darling Harbour, next to the Maritime Museum.

A Shingleback skink. And me. I am the one in the T-Shirt. A skink is not a fish Lennie! It is a lizard.!!!!!!

The one animal that is sleeping more than me.

A giant rainforest cockroach.

Flossing must take hours!

A juggler from England. He climbed up the pole and stood on the handlebars, then juggled fire, a knife and an apple. An apple....wuss!

The Great Coathanger.

In October they are doing a musical of Watership Down. The Sydney Hopera House.

25th September 2006. Through to 29th September 2006.

I left Melbourne feeling totally shattered. It isn’t that it is a non stop city, or that I was up to no good at any point. The reason was that Everton were playing at St James’ Park, against Newcastle, live on Fox Sports. The kick off was at 4pm UK time, which translated into 1am Aussie time. So, after scampering off for some food at a 24 hour café, (definitely a café and not a restaurant, patisserie, bistro or falafelerie. I am still not sure what a falafel is, despite reading a book called “he died with a falafel in his hand” and refusing the simple task of asking someone what a falafel is) I hunkered down in the Charles Dickens Tavern on Collins Street with a Guinness in my mitt. Two hours later, and following a tirade of referee abuse after one of the most obviously outrageous off-side decisions in the history of football, I left with a disappointed feeling despite the 1-1 score line. Good old Aussie, Tim Cahill, does it again for the Toffeemen. I got back to my hotel for the 5 luxurious hours of sleep before I had to wake up and pack my belongings. I really should plan early nights before I move on, but something always forces me to get drunk and go to bed late. Damn that fate! I am powerless to resist the call of beer. It is like a Wild West quick draw. Beer stands at one end of the dusty road, while I am a thalidomide gunslinger at the opposite end. I may be quicker and a surer shot, but beer always catches me as I try and reach for my gun.

The flight to Sydney was only short but spectacular. As you approach Sydney you get the most dramatic view of the city. Out of my window I could see the suburbs, the Aussie Stadium and the skyscrapers. As we got closer I could easily see the Opera House and Sydney Harbour Bridge. The plane swept around and the city was across the aisle and through the other window, but twice as close! I remember flying into Geneva Airport with Fenners a year ago to watch the friendly between England and Argentina (courtesy of a spectacular win on Goal Poker!)and being amazed at the natural beauty of the landscape. Although the Sydney landscape is both natural and constructed, it equalled Geneva, if not surpassing it. A short taxi ride to my hotel showed me that I was staying outside of the main city. I already knew this and was quite pleased to be out of the hurly burly. I am staying in Paddington, which is just away from Kings Cross, the red light district. Although it is the red light area, it is also one of the main areas for beers and backpackers. The two are usually found together, by all accounts! Apart from the names of the streets, the districts and the hookers, lots of Sydney reminded me of London. In fact, even Melbourne had a very “English” feel about it, but more so with Sydney. I liked it immediately!

The hotel, Sullivan’s, is very nice. The rooms are small but very comfortable. The only problem is that the Wi-Fi internet access advertised on the website is on the blink. When I asked about it at reception they told me that I can use the dial up instead. I later asked if it was likely that the Wi-Fi would be restored and the receptionist said that they never had it in the first place! I am not sure if I have been lied to by the hotel, or if the receptionist is just misinformed. So I am only on dial up connections for the time being. Internet apart, the hotel is fab. The pool looks nice but I haven’t jumped in yet. The best thing about the hotel is that they have a DVD library so all you have to do is to ring down and tell them what film you want and they fire it up! Sorry, that is the second best thing. The best is the complimentary muffins at the reception. Speaking of which, I am stockpiling mint chocolates that the housekeeping place in your room every time they service it. I am not eating them but find myself unable to resist hiding them so that I get new ones. I have 10 now and 8 biscuits from the hotel in Melbourne! Pretty soon I am opening a Chocolateria. It isn’t a café, nor a restaurant. A niche market. A lacuna, if you will.

I had a long afternoon nap and then went out for a quiet beer at a pub called Durty Nelly’s near my hotel. Well the intention was for a quiet beer, but I hadn’t counted on a drinking session by visiting Gaelic football teams. Gaelic football and Aussie Rules football are relatively similar, so much so that the codes have an international combined rules game, so I am lead to believe. I wanted to go to an Aussie Rules game while on my trip, but unfortunately, it is the culmination of the league season right now and the final is tomorrow (Saturday 30th 2006). I have seen a few games on TV but I still have no idea what is happening and what, if any, the rules are. My intention was to go to the game with a placard that stated “I AM ENGLISH AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS HAPPENING” and wait for the inevitable gaze of the TV cameras to fall upon me. In fact, that gives me an idea. I read a book last year about a bloke who decided to say yes to everything that he was asked for a whole month. He ended up having interesting adventures. I have just finished reading a book by Rich Smith where he looked up 25 of the strangest laws in the US and went on a road trip to break them. He broke laws that stipulate that you cannot catch fish with a lasso in Tennessee, lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory in South Dakota and drive more than 100 times around the town square in Oxford Mississippi. Perhaps I should begin a new trip where I go to the most obscure sports venues and watch the most obscure sports, armed with my placard! So your mission is now to find obscure sports for me to visit around the world. I will then begin my plan. Or I may ignore it and delete this bit of the blog at a later date, when I realize that it may include using some effort to achieve.

The following day I had a mooch towards the city and got the obligatory pictures of the Opera House and Sydney Harbour Bridge. The bridge is fantastic and makes the Tyne bridge look like Lego. It is huge! The flags on the top must be enormous! There is a trip where you can climb the bridge but it costs a fortune and I am not the Worlds best sightsee-er! Apathy strikes again! The Opera House always looks large on postcards and TV so I was expecting to be under whelmed by it. In fact, it is every bit as impressive as you would think. I just wish I had gone to see it on a sunnier day, but even in the wind and clouds it was breathtaking. As I said previously, despite it all being man-made, it is truly awe inspiring. I don’t often think a lot about engineering skill and aesthetic considerations, but I was left in a state of sheer admiration. I will come back later and try and get the shot with both the bridge and the opera house together, and maybe some sunshine! It is great weather here, one day hot and sunny, the next cooler and cloudy. Just like England, except for the sunny bits. I went to Coogee Bay for a few drinks later that night and had fun. It is a bit of seaside style place. When all of the bars had shut I went to Kings Cross to find more bars. After a few more I went back to my hotel, watched Pulp Fiction and went to sleep.

I went to Darling Harbour the following day and had a look around the Aquarium. Having swum with sharks et al, I felt very sorry for them all cooped up inside but I did get some nice pictures! The walk from my hotel to Darling Harbour is quite a way and my back was aching, so I left it there (the day out, not my back) and had some dinner and made my way home. Next day I went back to Darling Harbour and visited the Wildlife place, next to the aquarium. I thought I should get a few pictures of Kangaroos, Koalas and Echidnas before I leave for New Zealand. I did manage some wallabies, though I think the Kangaroos were too big to be kept there. The echidnas were hiding but I did see a few koalas. While I was mooching around, I entered the bit about the nocturnal animals. The lights were obviously very much dimmed and things were not always easy to see. I might open a nocturnal zoo myself and tell the customers that the stuff is there, they jut aren’t looking hard enough. Obviously, there won’t be a single thing there, but if people think that they are looking at a possibility of seeing something rare AND they are contributing to the conservation of these rare animals, they might just shrug their shoulders and pay up! After the zoo, I went to the Maritime Museum and it was ok but not that interesting, unless you are a boat person. I don’t mean Vietnamese. After wandering around the museum I went to get some food and have a game of black jack at the Star City Casino! I am addicted! But I walked away $100 in profit again! I could do this gambling thing for a living!

The night saw me go to the Royal Hotel for a beer or two, as the guidebook in my hotel suggested that it was a good place. It was ok but seemed to be full of locals. That is not a problem but these locals were odd. There were a bunch of girls who were horrible. They were the most arrogant people I have ever seen and could teach the UK ladettes a thing or two about lacking dignity. Just loudmouthed and ignorant really. They would shove you out of the way at the bar, through lighted cigarettes on the carpet and swear at full volume. Maybe I am a snob (I doubt it) but they were nasty! So I went to a bar called “World Bar” which was packed. I went in to the tune of The Smiths! The music was brilliant! Kings Of Leon, White Stripes, The Strokes and much, much more! This nightclub is not available in any shops! It was brilliant to be in a nightclub that played rock music again, like the Leadmill or places from my University years. I am afraid that I danced more than once.

Today was a lazy day, watching films and doing some washing but I am going for a beer or two tonight! I have spoken to my dad on dial up Skype and I was informed that Lemon Tea and some Andrews salts aid digestion and bowel movements. Info for you all….straight from the arses mouth.

Bowel check = Arachnid.

Photos might have to wait until I get to some broadband internet!