9th September 2006 until 15th September 2006.

Well, I knew it would be difficult to log on while floating around in the Coral Sea, so I thought that my best bet was to write a little log as I went along. I didn’t count on the sea conspiring against me. I write this in a hotel, back in Cairns and surrounded by concrete. I won’t make the Worlds best sailor.

I arrived at Port Douglas around midday and found my way to the offices of Undersea Explorer. I had read on the internet about the dive trip and where they went, but I was not properly prepared for the type of boat, crew and dives that we would be involved with. I knew that they “claimed” that they were involved in some kind of research while out there and I knew that you could get involved, if you wished. What I didn’t know was just how serious and respected the biologists on board were. I kind thought that the claim about research was some sort of gimmick to give the company more kudos and legitimacy. I had read that they would be doing a “shark attract” and compared that against the other trips that mentioned “shark feedings”. As a novice and uninformed soul, I took these to be the same things.

I arrived at the office and met another voyager, Elliette from L.A but originally from Austria. We had a few hours to spare so we munched a pizza together and waited until 5pm to get the briefing before sailing at about 8:30 pm. I was excited but a little bit gutted (well a lot gutted) that I would be missing the Everton V Liverpool match, beamed live from the School Of Science, Goodison Park, on Fox Sports at 9:45 pm. I was secretly praying for a cyclone to swoop in and delay the sailing by a few hours. Selfish? Me? Never! As I was announcing my presence to the office I met one of the guys who works on Undersea Explorer and told him about my sporting predicament, but despite being an ex pat, the best he could offer was to see if the AM radio had a station that might be commentating. All the way on the other side of the World, I didn’t fancy my chances. Then the gods shined upon me! As I was sitting around, waiting for the embarkation, he mooched by and told me I could be the luckiest man in the World. Frank, a guy from Brisbane, was delayed as the runway at Cairns Airport had broken in some way and his flight had been returned. The crew had decided that they could wait until 11pm to set sail, when Frank should have arrived! I spoke to Ross, the Skipper of the boat and explained my situation. I don’t think that he fully understood the severity of a Merseyside Derby but he took my Aussie mobile number and told me to make sure I was back on board by 11pm or they would set off without me. That would mean that I would be able to see the first half! Previous Merseyside Derbies have dictated that 45 minutes is usually enough for any Everton fan to stomach!

So I found my way to Paddys Bar on the main street in Port Douglas and was amazed to find another Toffee sat with a pint of Guinness! His name was Paddy too and we fretted together in the lead up to kick off. I am back on Terra Firma now and have the half time score to inform me, plus the text message update from my new found mate, Paddy. I couldn’t believe that we were 2-0 u at half time! Paddy told me that the new Goodison Dixie Dean, Andy Johnson, added a third in the second half! I will only be able to check the result when I get to a place where I can get online, probably tomorrow. (Today being Saturday and we may have lost today?!?). So… I am hoping that the 3-0 scoreline is right and that we won today too! I booked into a relatively expensive hotel to make sure I could get online and chat to everyone while updating my blog. But this expensive hotel doesn’t have internet access in the rooms! How rubbish is that?

Can someone make sure that Pete Clark gets my email address and that I am mocking him internationally for the EVERTON 3 LIVERPOOL 0. That task rests with Fenners or anyone from Green Watch!

Ok, so I rushed back at half-time, clutching my mobile as though it was the regulator that I would become very familiar with over the next week. We set off when Frank arrived. It turned out that Frank was my room-mate too. The room had a double bed and a single over the top in a bunk bed style. As the tallest I made the executive decision that it was the most sensible option that I take the double. Rubbish! I was there first and I ain’t moving, Late Boy!. Steaming out of Port Douglas, I met the crew and generally chilled out. The other divers on the boat seemed nice enough, a decent mix of people. Polite banter and a couple of glasses of red wine saw me head to my bed, slightly drunk (football beers, not just red wine), very happy and looking forward to the week of diving on the Great Barrier Reef and Osprey Island.

The first dive was early every day. I won’t go into too much detail about the dives as to a non diver it would probably be a bit boring. Needless to say, the landscapes and variety of fish and animals was fantastic. I did four dives the first day, then limited myself a little for the rest of the trip. As exciting as it was to dive, I was there to enjoy myself and getting into a wet wetsuit four times a day was a bit daunting. Besides, I woke up at 4am the second night as we were hitting rough seas and spent an hour and a half hugging the toilet! Sea sickness…. I have not been sea sick since I went fishing from Whitby in my first year as a fireman there. I seriously considered chucking myself in the briney at one point as the though of being like this for another 5 days was too much to bare! (Or is it bear, I never know). The next morning I woke up feeling tired and a bit rough but just about manageable. I missed the first dive while I was trying to rehydrate myself and made sure I was fine for the second dive. This was the highlight of the trip. The “shark attract”. We had various lectures during the week about a variety of subjects. It became apparent that Richard Fitzpatrick is a leading expert in shark activity and his research is very well respected! So this really is a science research boat and not a gimmick afterall.

We dived down to a site and sat at the edge of a small bay with a pinnacle in the middle, as instructed. Richard and Jonathon then brought down a crate of Tuna heads that would attract the sharks, but not feed them. There were sharks around already but when the crate arrived there were at least 10 white tip reef sharks and about 6 grey reef sharks. The greys were a bit more cautious and kept there distance, despite being bigger and more “shark shaped” than the white tips. The rest had to be seen to be believed. Richard grabbed various white tips by the tail, attached a rope and wrestled them to get tissue samples from them! Actually grabbing sharks?! To be fair, they were about 1.5 metres long but they still teeth! They were actually very calm and beautiful, but I like the shape of the greys more! It was a fantastic experience and despite the wrestling, the sharks were totally un-phased. In fact, even during the wrestling they seemed minimally bothered! I was sat there with grey reefs and white tips swimming within touching distance! 2 metre long sharks with the whole toothy mouth and mother in laws eye thing going on! It was amazing! Having listened to the informative lectures and seen them in person, I see that sharks are as fascinating as I first thought, but very much misunderstood. Of course they are not the thing to have munching on your elbow, but they are very timid in the face of humans. I am a big shark fan!

Then the curse of the “Sick Boy” struck again. I woke up on the third morning with a rash all over myself. My knees, wrists and torso were covered with welts! I think it might have been the wetsuit but I am not totally sure. Ross phoned the flying doctor so that he could give me some anti histamines (spelling dodgy once more) and it cleared up. Perhaps I should have held onto my bladder while 30 metres under the sea. That is an unconfirmed urine related illness. But the warmth was worth all of the itching.

Chris was another of the on board biologists and was from England. Top bloke but was more concerned with nudibranchs and nautilous. Nudis are similar to sea slugs and while not as exciting as sharks, they were very colourful and interesting. The nautilous ( I am sure that I am spelling it wrong) are as big as two fists and weird looking things. We caught a load of them ( I say we, but I had little to do with it….well I had nothing to do with it!). They live very deep, up to 2000 metres down. But we recorded the sex, size etc and tagged them before we released them again.

The whole crew was brilliant. Ross, the Skipper was only a young fellah but a top bloke who gave me a strong sea sickness tablet when we ran into big seas again! Brendan was the token Kiwi and got a lot of stick from the crew but handed it back with interest! He did take some divers on the advanced course for navigation and got lost, so I guess he deserved it! Really nice bloke. Richard was more into his research than mixing with the interloping holiday makers but was nice enough. Jaap, a Dutch fellah from near Gouda, was hard to read at first but turned out to be really funny! More time with Jaap would not have been a hardship at all! Jonothan was the other shark expert and was great. As with all of the crew, I got the feeling that more time would have been a pleasure. I wasn’t myself on the boat so I was very quiet (honest). There were some strong characters onboard, including Mark From Tasmania who reminded me of Steve Fila a lot. The other major thing about the trip was the cooking. Emily and Bree were looking after us onboard handsomely. The food was superb, the kind you would happily pay a fortune for in a restaurant, but this was miles from anywhere in the middle of the Coral Sea! Top Birds! Although Bree did get cheekier as the trip went on…. But that said… so did I! All I can say is….Get down here and take the trip to Osprey with Undersea Explorer….Totally amazing and brilliant. Sharks, turtles, manta rays…it has it all.

I even saw two relatively rare things. I got a picture of the trident trumpet shell....it eats the crown of thorns starfish that eats the coral reefs. I also saw the Stoidi fish, but I didn't get a picture of it. I read about it before I saw it and it was fascinating. It is about a metre long and has the latin name " Carpus Gullibilia". It looks a bit like the Potato Cod but instead of a down turned mouth it has a very large, underslung jaw. It has two things that make it unique. Firstly, it has a tongue that has formed into scoop that looks like a hand in a mitten that scrapes food into its mouth as it falls from above. It is thought that it developed this large underslung jaw from becoming accustomed to being fed from boats and the tongue mitten has evolved from the same thing. It is one of the only fish that can survive in fresh water too, although it has to be mineral water as the purity is a big factor in its ability to live in fresh. They have done experiments to find out how it does it and it was shown that Evian water was the best for helping it to survive out of fresh water.

Back in Cairns now and decided to stay in the hotel and relax. My legs are still wobbling as though I am at sea! So I will have a quiet night in and find somewhere to stay tomorrow with internet nonsense so I can post this rubbish for you! If the blogger site is up to it there should be some pictures of my undersea friends too…especially the ones with teeth! And I promise I will try to be more interesting soon! In the mean time…I will leave Cairns soon…..so if you want to suggest which city I got to next… post a comment! Adelaide, Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney… you decide. Although I have to go to Sydney to get to New Zealand anyway.

Speak to you all soon…and don’t forget to pass on the web address to anyone who might be struggling to sleep!

Just for the record, my “expensive” hotel is opposite McDonalds and Condom Kingdom!

Bowel check = Military intelligence.