4th September 2009.

Do you remember the picture postcard, desert island of the movies that I was relaxing on? Well it became a living hell! Not true but I like to be dramatic. In the Beachcomber guestbook it stated that all of the water was imported in from the mainland and was precious and safe to drink. As I had gone for a Lodge room instead of the dormitory ( 100+ people!) I had an en suite bathroom and a sink. I should add that I have been trying to drink more water to be more hydrated since my salmonella incident exactly a year ago. I followed Alan Blackledges example and could often be found clutching a bottle of water. Being the typical Yorkshireman, I don't PAY for Evian but refill from a nearby tap whenever possible. I carried on this practice in the Beachcomber, Lodge 32, and filled from the sink regularly. The more astutue of you can probably guess what is coming up next. Smart arses.

2 ays into my 5 day stay on Fiji and I am drinking lots of water to counteract the blazing sun and the odd beer. Bliss. Friday creeps up on me and I have my breakfast. All is well and I miss diving in the morning to have a lie in, fully intending to dive in the afternoon instead. Drinking water from the magic bottle, I lazily waste the morning snorkelling with Clare as Jan was favouring the beach. When I say favouring, it suggests that she made a qualitative and considered selection, when it was more of a " You go play with the fishes, children, while I beautify myself on the beach with a book and suncream." Snorkelling was really nice and not far detached from diving as the diving depths are only 20m max. Back to the main building for lunch. All of a sudden my appetite deserted me and I felt hot flushes careering over me. I eat very little and head back to the room for a nap. Jet Lag.....must be.

Then my bowels exploded and I was confined to my room for the remainder of my stay! I won't go into graphic detail but suffice to say the bowel checks became more like panning for gold than chasing the otter. I eventually went to visit the Nurse on Treasure Island and she cofirmed what the hotel staff had sspected. I probably had Typhoid Sickness from drinking the resort tap water. The "safe" hotel tap water. And to add salt to the wound she charged me $50 Fiji for that information, some tablets and a cork. I was too weakened to argue and just paid up. Looking like an extra from a film about concentration camps I dragged my self back to my Island and put myself back into bed. Ok...maybe a touch dramtic but this is my blog and I will be as dramatic as I like. And I am ill so don't argue with me. Every cloud has a silver lining though. My illness ( hereafter known as TBWD, The Brush With Death) left me technically able but factually unlikely to make it to meals. All of a sudden The Australian girls in the next room brought me a plate full of fruit up! Awwww....how thoughtful. And I liked the attention! Just as I was fighting to chew the last piece of pineapple, Jan and Clare brought me some more, and a plate of mystery vegetable curry. AWWWWW! Sometimes it is worth getting ill to have beautiful women fussing around you! I might just settle for a verrucca next time though. Jan gave me a tablet for the fever and cold symptoms, while Clare furnished me with DVD's and a book. I honestly didn't over play the sickbed routine but it was nice being fussed over!

I tried to change my flights to Cairns so I could have a day longer to recover on the Island but the people in charge of the phones on the Island couldn't understand that I needed to change the ticket with United Airlines while I was flying with Air New Zealand. I decided to brave the original flight in my weakened and volitile state, rather than try to explain the situation to the staff! And I am here in Cairns now. In a nice hotel to pamper myself while I get back to my fighting weight.

More to come but I will leave you with an example of the E-mails I am recieving from my buddy Scott. Some of the more offensive language has been omitted. This is to illustrate how I am abused on a regular basis from the other side of the World.

Quote
Hows it goin mate? Not heard anything from you since you went to Fiji but I suspect I know what's happened.... I'm thinking that after watching Chuck you got a few ideas above your station. You thought I'm a big lad, look at these wiry little Fijians. One rush of blood later and you've realised that those wiry little f*****s are lightening fast. I'm thinking you launched a looping right hander and before you knew it...Whammo. One of the skinnies is all over you like a cheap suit and is treating you to a rather large portion of ground and pound! "But Chuck made it look so easy" you're thinking, newsflash cupcake, you're a big lad but your out of shape!! Solution? Scream like a woman, and when he turns away in disgust....it's time to kick some back!! Hope all is well mate, see you soon Scott

Unquote.


Nice eh?


Bowel Check = Oxtail soup. No Croutons.