"Tall, Dark Stranger? Number one". Alternative title...."Damn Seagulls"

"Tall, Dark Stranger? Number Two". Alternative title, "Ease And Squeeze".

"Tall, Dark Stranger? Number Three". Alternative Title, "Be More Careful With Glue".

"Respire" The City Filters.

I read on the internet about the telephones. It is one of six art installations in the laneways of Melbourne, but most are off Flinders Lane.One has gone already and another hasn't started. That one is a booth moving round the city where you can climb in and discuss stuff! Sounds ace but I will miss it. The phone one was called "No Answer" and it turns out that it was my favourite. I set off to see the others today. I found one off Bourke Street but it was just a bunch of lights hanging in nets. Not that interesting to me so I don't snap it. I did get the city filters one though. It was called "Respire". The last one I found was called "Life Coach" and it was a circle of lights on the floor and some more above. I saw it the other night but didn't realise that it was a piece of art. Didn't bother to take a picture of it. So it would seem that the city art can be talking, simple lights or anything. I decided that I would do my own "art". So I wandered around the city looking confused and had people take pictures of me until someone offered to help me with whatever was troubling me. No one offered but someone did run off with my camera. They do say that you have to suffer for your art. The title is "Tall, Dark Stranger?" I am not sure why I put a question mark at the end but Therapy? did it so I will.

Last night I went to a comedy club and it was alright. The compere was pretty funny but I have noticed that Aussies are preoccupied with "rooting". Not that it isn't funny, but I would have thought that they might have tried different stuff. The last act was Steady Eddie, a cerebral palsy sufferer. He was quite good and, as expected, his act mainly revolved around his disability. This isn't uncommon; fat comics talk about how fat they are and how it affects them, female comics often do "chick humour" and man hating stuff, short comics and ugly comics talk about those things. The difference with "Steadward" was that the audience were a bit uncomfortable at first but they soon settled into it. Not bad. I asked the compere as I was leaving, if he ever gets fed up with Steady getting longer applause than him as it takes Steady twice as long to walk off the stage. He seemed to like that line and if any of you see Doug Chappel with Steady Eddie and Doug uses that line, then he owes me cash.

Due to my late nights, talking on here, I have been late to rise most days. As I am a clean type of bloke, I haven't really minded the cleaners not being able to service the room every day. But today I was woken at 9:30am by the housekeeping. I asked them to come back in half an hour, giving me time to get up and go for breakfast, thereby avoiding the awkward "being in the room when they come in to clean up, make the bed, look through your bags and underpants". I came back 2 hours later after my art walk and they hadn't been in! Lazy arses! So I was sat here typing this when the housekeeper came in and tidied up around me. Still, I got an extra packet of biscuits so all is not bad! And my underpants went unexamined.

Bowel check = Garibaldi