31st October 2006.

Just a quickie.......Detect Dan has really taken off! It is now international......French, Dutch, Kiwi and English players to date. Juul is winning at the moment with her 30 seconds and is looking good (always looks great in fact, he he he) to take the prize. The prize at the moment is a weekend in Gouda but that has to be confirmed.... just a bit of bad luck that Juul lives in Gouda but thems the breaks. Tracey was a bit gutted to have been beaten and told me that she was going to have another go. I told her that it is one go per person and she stated stubbornly that she would do it anonymously. "but you have to put your name so people know you have won!" I told her. It took a while but then she got the point!


Got a phone call from the agency and Shortland Street wanted me back to play a character at a nutrition conference. I agreed immediately and then the lady told me that it would be wearing a costume....as a Kiwi fruit! My first thought was " NO WAY!" I am not about to humiliate myself on international hits like Shortland Street. But then, I thought about my legions of Blog fans. I thought about your little, tiny, giddy faces, and the joy you would get from seeing me wander around in the background dressed up like a Kiwi fruit. "Do it for your fans Danno, do it for your fans! They might not deserve it but do it for them anyway, be the bigger man!" a voice in my head rang out. Damn my generous nature, coming to force me to put humility before humiliation!

"I'll do it!" I cried into the phone. " I just can't believe that you have a 6'5" Kiwi fruit costume!" I exclaimed.

"Hold the line please," came the reply.... the lady at the agency must be having some kind of breakdown knowing that she was actually speaking to the man that amazed the crew of Shortland Street with his comedy gems and fabulous ground breaking ad libs so recently.

"I'm sorry Dan, I mean Mr Comedy genius, but the Kiwi fruit suit is going to be too small for you!"

"Too small? Isn't there room in the show for a banana or a stick of celery? I have blogging fans to regale with my comedy moments!"

"I am sorry but the parsnip will not fit you either. I will keep you updated of any other roles that might be more suitable for a man of your impressive, muscular and hercules like ( but a bit more lithe and sexy and definately not at all pot bellied) stature!"

With that I could hear the hearts of you, my first loves*, snap. I am sorry dearest Blog readers. I did what I could. I have tried to soften the blow by using my highly trained and dexterous skills with microsofts photo editor and, despite your disbelief that I am not wearing a Kiwi fruit, I am not wearing a Kiwi fruit. I know my skills at photo shop are so good but if you look closely you can just see where I have grafted two photos together. One of me and another of a Kiwi fruit.

Bowel check = Apologetic.

*I know that you are wondering about the situation with first loves as I mentioned Sarah Walker on the previous post, but rest assured, she meant nothing to me. She was just a 7 year old fling. I never felt anything for her and was thinking about you the whole time. And she had a verrucca**.

** unsubstatiated again. But she will be the same age as me now so I bet she has at some point. Athletes foot at least.